so what now?

which direction do we turn from here?

crossroads are so irritating.

i hope we read a pit stop soon.

i need to refuel.

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Can't say I was entirely surprised; things happen for a reason and I'm darn glad it turned out this way. What on earth was I thinking? C'mon, you have got to be kidding me. I can think of a millions other ways in which my moolah can be better spent. Plus I have sacrificed. No hard feelings. Just some hard calluses, but they will heal eventually. No bitterness, please, we are adults. And adults just focus in their own personal sphere, and do not give a shit about anything beyond it. I love being old.

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Purple puffy dress with black laces and cobwebs. Lots of cobwebs. And coconut pie.

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holy fuck do I sense possessiveness or a desperation to attract through reverse psychology? creep-o.

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Perfection is a noble cause that we should all be encouraged to aim towards, starting first with sufficient government funding in terms of education (tuition and subsidized community lessons), recreation (more sports facilities like fat-friendly gyms) and corrective surgery (liposuction). If everyone is perfect, the world will be a much cheaper place to live in.

The process towards perfection is relatively straight-forward and smooth-sailing. Simply sign a lease, pack enough fluids and granola bars for the ride, press the acceleration bar and cruise. Songs such as lovesong by the cure are good choices to have.

Brake once in a while for potential disasters like tumbleweeds and babies in cradles.

Don't take in any hitchhikers because you can't trust the vicinity just yet.

Once in a while you need to make a pit stop. Wendy's and DG are some suggestions.

But try to make them as infrequent as possible because you want to leave enough room for the future.

On the first few days of 2009, I have decided to revitalize my dusty, dusty blog. It has been a good year. Reasons to revitalize a blog? Well, I was suffering from insomnia last night - I've got so much to rant, appreciate, rant, describe and rant. Plus, you don't create a blog to please, you make one to rant! I hate lengthy introductions, let's go straight to my first rant.

I seriously seriously seriously DISLIKE being mistaken for a christian. I won't say hate, detest or abhor because there's nothing wrong with being a christian or anything (like d'uh). I'm trying to swear less, and use less 'strong' words that will hurt others. I was, again, mistaken for a christian by this loser on msn. I know its really funny but I guess I'm feeling all moody again so I'm getting all constipated over it. I don't MIND if I'm mistaken for a buddhist since I aspire to be one (someday soon!). I don't MIND if I'm mistaken for a taoist (given my poor poor poor command of mandarin, this is highly unlikely). But I seriously DISLIKE being mistaken for a christian. Like, so christianity (in singapore) equals ABC booknerd? WTF? So good english (number one feeble explanation given by stupid idiots) equals to christianity. Why? All of the sudden, the church gives free english tutoring to devouts. And by the way...

I seriously seriously seriously DISLIKE people calling me an 'english pro' or 'good at english'. Like, WHAT THE FUCK? You call this good english?! I have had best friends who say their english vocabulary rocked more than mine; so? I would like to argue against that but that's still fine and dandy. This proves my fucking 'english' (if it can be used in this context) is NOT 'good'! Back in secondary school, I remember being labelled as this girl who can do no wrong in english lessons - the only problem is, I AM NOT. So there goes, 3 years of horrible english teachers who are pretty convinced that they must 'batter my ego' (if I had any, I'm surprised) by asking stupidly difficult questions or marking me one-up harder than the rest. Example: this teacher asked me what 'alliteration' was when I was still in secondary one, and we were studying Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Like, what the fuck?! Who the hell would know what alliteration was, dammit? And, I was never ever 'showing off'. All of a sudden it became an invisible war, even between a close friend, to get 'best in english'. Thinking back, that's just so bleeping stupid. In the end, it's all just, 'oh Tina, I guess it's just because you have impeccable grammar. Congratulations.' Perfect grammar my fucking foot. But please don't get me wrong, I had awesome awesome teachers in secondary school who never put me down and who were actually sincerely interested in giving me the best out of english classes. I respect and appreciate them so much. The rest, were either fucking users who force you to fill up fucking stupid competitions that mean nothing, or just enjoy battering my invisible ego. Well, congrats to you dearies, you got yourself a moment of malicious pleasure on my expense. When I entered PJC, I tell you, it was night and day. If my secondary school was day, and PJC was night, I'll gladly become a vampire.

Speaking about vampires, don't get me started on twilight! All I gotta say is this: been there, done that, moved on! To all you edward fans out there (I totally understand, I was once like that too haha) I totally totally totally recommend that you read anything from Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. Same genre. But nothing as crazy as Ann Rice's so you can maintain your purity.

I guess what my long spiel is al about is that, I was never really good in english. BUT, I love literature. Like, I'm talking about atwood-peake-milton-(no shakespeare, but maybe hamlet)-douglas-woolf-tennyson-coleridge-austen-gaiman-etc etc.. To translate: I love reading. But it's so much more than just 'reading'. It's analysing and interpreting and deciphering all the symbolism and intention and ultimately come to the essence of the work, which is the most most most rewarding aspect of a book. This essence is always, I find, and individual experience that is best felt and appreciated by finding the truth yourself. It's just divine. But of course, I'm just talking about books I like. And it may surprise you to know that they're not books written by 18th century writers (although there are good stuff then too). And, please man, it's not 'profound' or 'difficult'. It's not like, oh Tina thinks she's superior to everyone else by reading books thicker than my laptop. Please. Come over to UBC and you'll find that almost every other person reads as voraciously as I do. It's just wonderful to break away from an environment of silly boy-crazy airheads and immerse myself around people who actually feels. Like, seriously, it's just all about feeling.

Oh yeah, and from the amount of 'like's and 'what the fuck's I use, I don't think this is an gramatically flawless piece of work. So up yours, assholes! =)

UBC has a really nice environment. Everyone is... nice! The scenery is... breath-taking! The weather is... not always pretty but still nice if you have a fashionable pair of RAINBOOTS! I like to go all 'nice-nice-nice' when I'm conversing with people. I also like to go all 'good-good-good' when I'm talking with people. But only people I'm close to get my 'poo-poos' and 'what-the-fuck-this-is-bogus'. I dunno why, it's not hypocrisy ... it's just, dare I say it? Loyalty! Like, why should I risk reputation and social connection by treading on red areas? Why should you care about my opinions (same here, vice versa)? My opinions are kept really really close to myself. They may not be completely objective and benevolent, but at least they are sincere and harmless. The only openings I have for them are probably this blog. So I guess, unlucky you IF there's anyone reading it, although that's unlikely.

Alright that's about it. Oh, and I'm kind of thinking of stopping all snail mail that goes for more than twice a year. Cause, c'mon man, this is like the age of technology. What are emails for??? Plus postage in canada is like fucking expensive. One letters goes off for $1.68. Canadian dollars. Let's not even talk about packages. That's like a fucking $30. Canadian. That's like, 5 hours of back-breaking work serving lovely menopausal customers whose favourite pet just died. Plus, I had a really really really hard time catching up with the snail mail than mounted up because believe it or not, I actually have a life to lead. A life full of simple complexities - walking the dog, writing essays, breathing, working, watching telly, blogging lol. Feeble excuse, yes, so yeah you're right, money is tight lah!

I totally love and miss everyone in Singapore. I just miss them so very much. Sometimes I catch myself thinking back and wondering what life would have been if I had more time, more time, more time to get to know them better. Ah, friendship! I just get all sad and lonely all over again. Curse ye, Insomnia! And I miss nasi lemak, laksa, roti prata, hokkien mee and so much more. We all do. If I ever go back to Singapore, I'll totally get tons of CNY accessories (coz hong baos are like freaking expensive). And S'pore cuisine. Yum. And believe it or not, oil-blotting paper. And maybe a crumpler coz I'm thinking they should have declined in popularity and price by now, am I right?!?!

Alright that's about it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Long time no post, but who cares anyway?

Merry christmas, merry christmas, and a happy new year.

Presenting ...

The Plague of the Pin

 
 

What dire Tragedy from fickle minds springs,

What mighty Chaos rise from tacky knick knacks,

I humbly submit this modest verse to:

People’s Weekly, Star and O! Magazine,

to rebuke and enlighten the public

of the sins of obsession and caprice,

as well as to provide for next month’s rent.

 

This starlet was proclaimed a new born star.

‘With drops of Jupiter in her hair’,

exploding, she came like a nuclear blast.

A Goddess, she was, blessed by star powers:

from Ursula Andress came her  looks,

while Jessica Simpson endowed her brains.

This Goddess surely took the world by storm!

 

Poseidon’s wrath was no match to it;

This fever of love swept the young minds first,

devouring their senses, addictive as

television, dangerous as bulimia.

Her Vision became their life support,

for –aye yie yie! - without it, they will die

a slow and painful death of Exclusion.

It must be the work of Trump himself,

When MacDonald’s, Wendy’s and KFC

come up with a Solution to end man’s

sufferings, plus earn a couple more bucks.

With every purchase of the Happy Meal©

comes a shiny pinbadge with her Face embossed.

Now who can resist the power of three?

 

Lo and behold, the War commences!

By the break of dawn, snakes will form outside

the doors, and come slithering down the street.

Our brave Olga battles the wind and rain,

and the viperous grannies clutching their

sharp-pointed brollies, with one clear goal:

to bring a smile to her beloved niece!

 

Time trickles on, yet the wait grows still.

And just when the future seemed bleakest,

Olga sends out a prayer to Schwarzenegger.

And sure enough, out comes the tanks,

Rolling along the ‘Boulevard of

broken dreams’, dispersing the queues, and

paving a golden path for our Olga.

 

Like the coronation of the English Queen,

delicately was the pin presented

to the altar of Bernadette, for the

Judgement that could bring serenity,

or full-fledged chaos and destruction.

A waning smile she squeezed before bursting,

“Oh my gosh, that is so last century!”

 

Cease, young people! to torment the adults

with your capricious nature and winning ways.

Make up your minds, and save them the hassle.

From this sad lesson mankind must learn.

This pin, the Muses shall consecrate to fame,

And on the newly buffed exterior read:

‘Free Samples in this month’s issue!’

 

fin

Spring Break is come in 3 days' time! I am getting an amazing C for math, but I'm still determined to have a brilliant holiday!

The above is a literature assignment from Ms Bryant. I really love her classes. Then again, I really love literature itself.

More soon!

 YAAAY! Daddy is coming over during CNY!!! Woohoo I have been dreaming about it ever since! 2008 just keeps getting better and better! School term just started; same ol' mindless projects and worksheets again, but what the hey! Life is pretty good now - especially after my super awesome extra-ordinary (literally) birthday!!! Woohoooooooo!!!

On the 14th of January I officially turned 18! One more year to alcohol! Yes, I'm immature. As expected, we're only going to celebrate my birthday when my dad comes back, but him coming over is more than enough a cause worth celebrating! Only the night before I was throwing a royal tantrum - i.e. ignoring my mom, scowling and whining, slamming doors because she said that my sister and her weren't going to get me a present. Then I cried myself to sleep because I was thinking 'My family don't love me! My sister doesn't care about me! Even my dog hates me!'. Next morning, what do I see, but a HUGE SHOEBOX. Better yet, THE WORLD'S MOST AWESOMEST PAIR OF BOOTS INSIDE! Plus, to add to my ecstasy, a pink-black striped shirt! Woohoo! And what touches me the most was how my sister spent a whole exhausting day walking around 2 towns (Surrey and Metro) just to get me the pair of boots that I was gushing over a few weeks back! I LOVE YOU! This birthday has totally transformed me into a caring and loving older sister who will try her very best to get her little sister something nice! *hint hint* Then we also had a sushi fest! Overall, a pretty ordinary day, but still very very special to me. =)

What else? Hmm, got 52/55 for my gut-wrenching shitty mandarin radio deejay project which is pretty amazing for someone like me! Pretty cool. Plus, oh yeah let me talk about my new year resolutions!

My new year resolution for the year 2008 is actually just a list to to-dos. Some examples:

1. Read 3 classics (English, of course. If it's mandarin I'll have to go back to the 3 Little Piggies)
2. Improve one's aesthetic meter - meaning: Own for pretty things!! Coming along nicely now with my new boots!
3. Visit the art museum! Aspiring Boho-chick in the making! Wish me luck!

Not forgetting - 
4. Drop 5 kilograms! Oh, curse those size 0 models! 

Oh oh, and I smiled and smiled and smiled like crazy when I received Eugenia's letter. I LOVE YOUR CHARM, girl! It is pretty darn awesome in my opinion! My reply is in the works! Honestly, please be kind, and give me more details on what you want!! Okay plenty of recaps to do so I shall summarize it all now:

School Dance (Halloween Mash) - Okay, I was the only girl in pants.. Freaking cold outside, plus there was even a coat check, and about 5 security enforcers! WTF??! Pretty stupid food (considering the fact that I spend $15 on the ticket), nice decorations, and fucked up music. YMCA??? Oh yeah, it was quite an experience, with all the dancing and all! 

Trick or Treat - I was dressed up as a scarecrow! Okay la, but I still felt like an overgrown adult stealing candies from the toddlers. Tiring too, but we harvested 2 huge bags of candy!!! Still one box left in the fridge .. Really cool!

Christmas - I mentioned this before, have I? What the hey, lets just say I had good crab! 

That's all folks! Have a good life! 

HI! Hello Jody! Yes, I remember you! And hello Jamie (got that spelling right now), and Juvy and Eugenia! Hello hello hello!

Just a short post to report my progress in nurturing my aesthetic meter. The fantastic work of art is done by Audrey Kawasaki. I loved it so much at first glance (and that's pretty rare for me) that I put it down to be displayed as my user pic for the time being. This is her website, and it basically sums up my desire to be an artist in my next life. But too bad, being born at the wrong place at the wrong time doesn't entitle you to much of a choice. My dad was an apprentice under an artist too when he was young! So cool, too bad all his paintings were thrown away or left in the garage in England. Why can't I be an artist? BECAUSE, well, just because!

Another thing I fell madly in love with is the dresses at Anthropologie! It's a pretty silly name considering the fact that the desperate famine situation in Russia which forced the peasants to become cannibals was called something remotely similar. But anyways, the dresses are beu-tee-full!!!! Oh gosh oh gosh I will totally puke out yesterday's teriyaki rice and swallow half dozen diet pills just to fit into the dress!

I have just finished Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Bloody good read. This totally justifies all the times Nabokov has been unfaithful to his wife Vera. Believe it or not, its actually one of the most moralistic books ever. Storyline: Man abducts 12 year old girl for 4 years because he loves her. Trust me, save your homophobic bias until you finish the book, and you'll love it as much as I have.

Working for 3 days next week/year until the snappy auntie resumes work, in which I will only be working fr 2 days, preferably Fridays & Sundays. Very good very good. I don't appreciate the menopausal crap I get from the aunties even though its just a fucking minimal wage job. Otherwise, let me emphasize, it's good. Count your blessings, stay optimistic, yadda yadda yadda. Just last night the two girls I worked with got sick with food poisoning or something. That was great (being perky and happy now) only because the boss's daughter came over to help out. It was great learning from her because she just went to Singapore and fell so in love with it that she came back 2 more times. Basically, she toured Asia, with prejudice in favour of Singapore, for 3 months, with a royal expenditure of $12000, which is S$16000.

Pretty cool, eh? That was the coolest thing ever, it was so great talking to her and learning so much! So, people, before you get hooked to the U, or a job, remember to travel the world first before you plunge into gutters of adult life. Me, I'm totally planning of going to a literary tour across the world where I get to visit the romantic hills where Cathrine and Heathcliff (I hate this guy) frisked about (they didn't actually do that of course), and Van Gogh's burial site. Not forgetting the talented talented artists in Japan, and Alaska for the aurora borealis. Yes, I know it reeks of nerd. If all else fails, I'm going to Hawaii for a tan.

That's it for now. It's supposed to be short, but I'm just reluctant to start on my Book Report. Shut up with the 'Happy New Year's , it's not even time yet, people! Stop reminding me that I'm going to 18 next year!!! Boohoo legal protection!

Oh and about the whole bulimia line, you didn't actually fall for it, did you?

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DEAR FRIENDS! Hoping you'll have a lovely wonderful joyful break with lots of good food, gracious thoughts, and oodles of love! May all of you lazy lots start planning for the new year of the rat! Or the gerbil, or the hamster, or the mole - MERRY CHRISTMAS!

So! I've been working a lot recently because of the Christmas season. Just 2 days ago I was working the 9-7 shift, it was crazy! People just kept coming and coming. Worse, they all asked for funny a la cartes instead of the usual combo items. Dammit people! Work with me! Haha, but there are the usual perks of the job. Despite it only being a minimum wage job, I get free food and drinks, and that saves us a lot of bling, and of course, friends. Overall it's pretty decent, although I hear that you can actually get 50% off if you work in Banana Republic. Pretty cool eh?

Education-wise, SFU or UBC next fall. There isn't much of a difference between the two. After all, I'm just going into the much-discriminated bachelor of arts stream, what's the difference? It's pretty exciting now; life will be so much different when I'm in a university! PLUS, I will actually be studying something I like! Unlike history and/or mandarin. Eugh, the teacher for my mandarin class does nothing but give out stupid projects. If she doesn't want to teach, that's okay, but at least she should stop giving out her juvenile fuck-ed up projects that must be done during your holidays! There could have been so much potential in making abc-s get in contact with their roots and heritage, but give the wrong person the job, and you get a fat load of years and tax-payers money wasted.

On the other hand, there is this other teacher, who is absolutely divine! Best teacher you can ever get. Moreover, she teaches the world's most interesting topics - English literature! For once, I get a teacher who actually knows a thing or two about her topic! For Christmas, she gave us a Christmas party full of home-baked cookies and danish pastries and your very own Christmas cookie with your name on it. I love the passion that she has for the subject, it's just so evident when every single lesson, she kind of teleports you into another realm, where the war of the roses is going on and Thomas a Beckett just got his head chopped off. Fantastic stuff. I love her classes, her lessons are saturated with brilliant learning instead of stupid administrative stuff that teachers take it upon themselves to do (or in other words, to waste time) such as attendance-taking, rounding up homework, or pouting around in a temper.  She is so cool! I want to be just like her when I grow up!

I am plagued with frequent pangs of material lust for DVF's wrap dress or Vivienne Westwood's hot hot jackets. Oh my gosh. I can't function with all this wild dreams of shopping! 2008 is coming, and I sure have a whole list of things I want to do, especially during the summer!

The blueprint:
(i) Lose weight
(ii) Start straightening hair and/or putting on make-up (everyone's doing it, dammt)
(iii) Have a decent wardrobe with decent clothes
(iv) Indulge my aesthetic juices with more personal works/ visits to the museum
(v) Get a sport I'll like
(vi) Start being a vegetarian ...???

Will consider all this soon. Meanwhile, I am anxiously looking for a new craze to follow, something in the crafts department. Any suggestions? Enjoy yourself people! Going off to a family dinner tonight. There is oysters and perhaps seafood especially for me! I will tell you how much it sucked next time. Ta ta!